Comments on My Final Draft/ Refined version. Gaps are for images which i already have.

Reading through again I noticed characters often ‘said’ something. Maybe replace some. I’ve put other suggestions (in green). Slumber and priceless I don’t think fit. Other green sentences are indicate changes I’ve made.

Yellow is punctuation plus one sentence I can’t figure out who it’s said by.

Lastly, sure you want a long title? Not just ‘Tintin and the Treaty of Waitangi’ or ‘Tintin in NZ’?

Maybe a 'the End?'

All the best, can’t wait for the pictures.

My Final Draft/ Refined version. Gaps are for images which i already have.

Tintins holiday and the missing Treaty of Waitangi.

A sunny day with a warm temperature makes a great day to be about, especially at the beach. “This looks like a nice spot to eat” said Tintin. As Tintin spread his blanket out on the sand, the only thing on his mind was the Fish n Chips he was about to eat for lunch, and the only thing on Snowy’ mind was the tasty bone he’d found in a rubbish bin some miles back. 

As Tintin lay back after devouring his delicious lunch and slowly went into slumber, he was woken by Snowy who had now finished his lunch and began chewing what looked like to be a newspaper of some sort.

Tintin, intrigued by the matter ran over to see what it really was. When he finally managed to get it off Snowy, he read the following “WANTED, for the THEFT OF THE TREATY OF WAITANGI”.

“Great snakes snowy!” It’s Thompson.

Thompson has been a friend of Tintin’ for years but what he couldn’t understand was why on earth he was in New Zealand and why there was a WANTED poster for his arrest. 

“This can’t be right; Thompson would never do such a thing. We must go to the Museum immediately!” Said Tintin.

Tintin and Snowy gather their belongings and make their way to the museum. When they arrive, the shiny, reinforced glass box in the centre of the ground floor of the museum along with its gold detailing and greenstone plaque is empty. “I wonder what he would want with it, it’s of no use and priceless to him…”. As Tintin walks around the room, rubbing his head he notices a light purple handkerchief with paisley detailing and the initials T.T on it.

“A clue snowy, is this coincidence or has our friend really been here and stolen this piece of history, we must look for him before somebody of more authority does”.

Having just exited the front entrance of the museum, Tintin notices Snowy has disappeared. He turns around only to see snowy run around a corner. 

“Snowy, wait!”

Tintin curious as to where Snowy is headed chases after him and finally manages to see why Snowy suddenly changed  direction. A trail of cheese scone crumbs for at least a mile. He catches up to Snowy but only because the trail of tasty scone crumbs has stopped. With a fork in the pathway, and no more crumbs to follow, the pair are lost... “What now?” says Tintin.

“Achew!” 

“Snowy, did you hear that?”

“Achew!!” 

“I think it came from that bush,” Tintin exclaimed, pointing towards a group of macrocarpa trees and fern bushes. Tintin and Snowy make their way toward the bushes, and after pushing among the trees they stumble upon the person they heard sneezing!

“Thompson!” 

“Tintin!”

“What are you doing hiding amongst these trees? And what on earth are you doing here in New Zealand, have you been following us?” Tintin asked.

Before Thompson could explain, he couldn’t help but sneeze again. “I believe this might belong to you” said Tintin handing him the purple handkerchief he’d found in the museum earlier.

“Why yes, yes that is mine. Thank you” Thompson accepted the his hankerchief.

Before anything else could be said, Tintin pulled out the wanted poster. “Thompson, why on earth did you steal the Treaty of Waitangi from the local museum, and don’t lie because we found your handkerchief at the scene” Tintin demanded.

“Please, let me explain. After rumours circulated in Bali about a Treaty agreement between the Maori and Pakeha people, my brother was out to steal it hoping he could hold it for some sort of ransom, I thought he was only kidding, but after he booked a flight I had to chase after him and stop him from stealing the darn thing” responded Thompson short of breathe. 

“That explains your handkerchief at the scene”. Tintin nodded.

“Exactly, I was barely able to walk around and look for clues before I was being chased and blamed for the theft of it. That’s why I’m here in this bush; the local authorities chased me for a good mile. I simply had to hide” said Thompson.

“We must go to the authorities immediately! Explain to them the situation, you can’t hide here forever,” said Tintin. 

“It’s weird; I overheard my brother talking on the phone before he left. It was mumbled banter, but from what I made out, he would be leaving with the Treaty via boat, it would be too risky flying out with it” Thompson explained. 

“Well that’s that then, we’ll go to the Authorities, tell them what’s happened and we’ll head to the docks to see if we can catch him. He’s not going to want to hang around if he’s already stolen it! Tintin reasoned. 

“Put this hooded sweatshirt on and keep your head down” muttered Tintin.

The trio snuck from among the bushes back to the walkway they had come down, to be sure nobody see them and think it be suspicious. Tintin walks at the front, snowy at the back with Thompson in the middle hoping they won’t draw too much attention to themselves. 

“That’s him!” 

Out of nowhere, four officers jump on Thompson taking him to the ground. They arrest him and take him for questioning regarding the stolen property. They sit Thompson down and begin to interrogate him.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I may look like the guy on your WANTED poster, but you have my word, it’s not me but my brother. Here, I have photos of us together” said Thompson as he pulled a wallet from his pocket. 

“I came here to stop him from stealing the Treaty but as a result our identities have been mixed up. Look, all I know is that I overheard him talking on the phone about leaving for Thailand via boat once this Treaty thing had been stolen”.

“I suggest you go to the docks before it’s too late!” Demanded Thompson.

“Yeah yeah mate, once I’ve got the goods, I’ll be taking it to South East Asia via Marine Transport. Meet you at the White Lady around 3pm…”

The authorities immediately race down to the docks, where in the distance they see a familiar face loading cargo onto a boat named “The White Lady”. 

“He wasn’t lying!” whispered one officer to another. 

“Hold it right there!” 

Before the Thief could climb up his rope ladder to escape, the authorities had him by the ankles. 

“We’ve got you now mate, it’s over. Now hand over the Treaty.”